Well y'all. This was a pretty crazy week. Honestly, I thought that coming back to real life would be easier than missionary life. I don't know why I thought that, just somehow I believed that nothing could ever be as stressful as the mission. Wrong. I mean it was a good week and all, just a little hectic.
School is good. I've never been such a good student. No joke. I've really enjoyed learning and planning and going to class. I decided to have my own little "weekly planning sessions" so to speak, mostly just to give myself a moment to sit down and figure out when the heck I'm going to do all my homework. So far it has been a successful choice. I spent several hours on Saturday getting ahead on some of my readings for my classes. Work was good too. I love my job. Seriously, there is nothing better than working with students all the time. I loved loved LOVED being able to get to know so many people this week.
But life wouldn't be normal if there wasn't a little crazy thrown in there, right? Ashlie's car overheated. Like a lot of times. So we had all kinds of adventures pulling over on the side of the road, turning off the engine at stop lights, spending 30+ minutes at a gas station, going to Auto Zone late at night in really nice clothes, turning on the heater and smelling burning rubber, walking 12 blocks at 10pm to turn in our rent, etc. She found a quick fix for it this week until she can take it to be repaired.
One of my companions came to visit me. We had a blast! We didn't even do anything - just went to a really great pizza place and sat on my couch and talked. I ran into some friends from freshman year on campus and we sat outside of the library for an hour just talking about our missions.
On Friday night, my roommates and I went to the Provo Rooftop Concert Series. I didn't even know that thing existed. It was a great experience, but not quite as much of a dance party as we were looking for, so we left after the first band and went to the Guru Block Party for a couple of hours. We stopped by Sodalicious on the way. I'm being exposed to all kinds of Provo culture that I didn't even know existed. We got home at 2 am and I was so tired. My feet and legs were aching from all that dancing. I think I'm dance-partied out for the rest of my life.
Now that I've updated you on all my experiences, here's something I've been thinking about a lot. At the end of my mission I wrote/talked/though a lot about something my first mission president's wife said - "You fought hard for the growth you gained on your mission. Don't go home and go back." I've been pondering about what that means, particularly as I've considered what things I want to let back in to my life and what things I want to leave out. I think that's been the hardest part of coming home. It's hard to stay changed when everyone expects you to be who you used to be.
It makes me crazy when people tell me, "oh you'll get used to that," or "you'll be normal soon." Because what if I don't want to be over it? And what if this is normal for me? I mean it's not like I have it all figured out right now, but I already know that there are some parts of the girl I was before that I don't actually want to have in my life anymore. That girl was so unhappy and I have such different priorities now. Gracious. There are a lot of choices to make. But I'm starting to understand why returned missionaries are so "awkward" so to speak. Part of it is that I forgot to to act in certain situations, and part of it is that I'm uncomfortable, but most of it is just that I'm different.
I read this awesome conference talk this week. I started reading all the conference addresses from the year I was born. This one is by Glenn L. Pace in the October 1992 General Conference. (Here is the link.) My favorite part is this quote: "I believe the time has come for all of us to feast on the fruit of our own testimony as opposed to the testimony of another person. The testimony of which I speak is much deeper than knowing the Church is true. We need to progress to the pint of knowing we are true to the Church. We also need to increase our capacity to receive personal revelation. It is one thing to receive a witness that Joseph Smith saw God and Christ. It is quite another to have spiritual self-confidence in your ability to receive the revelation to which you are entitled." Wow. Put that together with this quote from David A. Bednar: "The essence of the gospel of Jesus Christ entails a fundamental and permanent change in our very nature made possible through the Savior's Atonement. True conversion brings a change in one's beliefs, heart, and life to accept and conform to the will of God and includes a conscious commitment to become a disciple of Christ...Conversion is an offering of self, of love, and of loyalty we give to God in gratitude for the gift of testimony." (and here is the link to that one)
So I've been thinking a lot about who I really am. Which changes did I fight for on my mission that I want to keep? What part of me came from becoming more deeply converted to the Lord? What offerings of self do I need to give back to my Father in Heaven because of the testimony that He has given me?
That's all.
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