About a month and a half ago, I experienced what I would call my mid-college crisis. I'd say midlife crisis, but I'm hoping that my 20s aren't the middle of my life, so the term doesn't really apply. I started to feel like I didn't know what I was doing with my life. I felt like I had no direction, no purpose. It seemed like suddenly everything I was doing didn't feel right.
In a desperate plea, I turned to my Heavenly Father. Earlier in my life, when I was trying to decide which college to attend, I made a promise to God that I would go wherever He wanted me to go and do whatever He wanted me to do. In this low moment, I reaffirmed this commitment. I wanted so badly to get out of the funk that I was stuck in and I knew that He would have the answers for me.
It was time for me to visit my bishop to renew my temple recommend. In the interview, he asked me how things were going. I mentioned that I'd been struggling with this feeling of being stuck. He wisely advised me to listen during conference in the upcoming weekend.
I kept praying, asking my Father in Heaven to tell me anything at all about what He wanted me to be doing. I just wanted to feel like I was going down the right path, like I was doing the right things.
My friends and I got together to watch conference at my apartment. We were all sitting on the couch, reminiscing about things that had happened the last time that we watched conference. We were eating pancakes with whipped cream, talking and laughing so much that we almost missed the announcement. But the second that I heard President Monson announce that sisters would be able to serve missions at age 19, it was like a glimmering beam straight from Heaven to my heart. I knew, without any doubt, that this was my answer.
I started jumping and screaming and crying at the same time. I couldn't even sit still, I was so excited. I think I missed everything else that happened during the first session. My phone wouldn't stop buzzing as everyone I knew started texting me, telling me that I was the first person they thought of when they heard the announcement.
I skyped my parents between sessions and we discussed the idea. With their support, I began work on my mission papers. I felt strongly that I needed to leave as soon as possible, so I listed my availability date as January 1st. Things fell together nicely from there.
Alma 26:36 says "for this is my life, my joy and my salvation," and that's how I feel about the gospel. This is my whole entire life. My testimony of the Church influences every decision I make. It brings me true joy and happiness and I cannot wait to share that joy and happiness with others while I serve as a missionary. 1 Timothy 1:7-8 says "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear, but of power, and love, and of a sound mind. Be thou therefore not ashamed of the testimony of the Lord." I believe this with all my heart. I know that I have no need to be afraid. God will support me as I strive to do the things that He wants me to do.
That's all.
